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By: ryanmercer

Nov 25 2008

Category: Uncategorized

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1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally
killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate’s fridge is
forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering your mate’s birthday is
strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar
of the birthday boy’s choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you
may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
who’s playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her
to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven) she’s
officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
you’re sunning on a tropical beach … and it’s delivered by a
topless model and only when it’s free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see
15: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by
the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a
friend”� have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re
feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each
other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake
it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
green, orange, or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for
Christmas ?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want !” gets
an Xbox 360. End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men’s
gymnastics. Ever.
27: We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls … but do
you really know the difference between them ? In an effort to keep
you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,
“Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere ?”
“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re
next, fatty !”


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